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War Games

I’ve got to be honest – I think if the Olympic security plans had been part of the original sales pitch for the London 2012 bid, I would have been a lot less enthusiastic. It would appear that hosting the Games puts Britain in a situation not seen since we momentarily pretended to help out Poland. Invasion is imminent, whether by hijacked jumbo or a clown holding onto lots of balloons or even a flotilla of wetsuit-clad Situationists. For the safety of the Nation, we need to batten down and tool up.

This is the kind of kit that could be gracing the two East End apartment blocks actually well enough built to not fall down if the trigger gets pulled:

A Rapier missile battery, recently

You’ll observe that the missile pictured is being fired in the middle of some vast desert and not in a crowded metropolis where it would be MASSIVELY POINTLESS AND COUNTERPRODUCTIVE as a form of self-defence. If there are any military experts out there who can explain how this sort of weapon could be usefully and safely deployed, I’d be fascinated to hear from you.

I don’t have high hopes for the boots on the ground approach either. To my mind, if you have to deploy 13,500 troops to secure a situation you’ve actually asked for then that’s masochism on a grand scale. If the Games are that much of a risk to the safety of the British public, surely the only sane and responsible step for the Government would be to cancel them. To press ahead at the same time as insisting that all these precautions are vital seems ridiculously cavalier. I can only assume that David Cameron will be following the action from the Cabinet War Rooms. Clearly the Olympic Stadium will be deemed far too dangerous a location for heads of state and dignitaries.

It wouldn’t be too much of a problem to call it off anyway. Most of the legacy stuff is in place now, which is why we bid isn’t it? I suppose some sponsors would feel they were missing out on exposure but that’s not really what the Olympics are about is it?

Oh, apparently it is.

Anyway, watch out folks because the next few days are going to be full of army types running around trying to look useful, security guards running around pretending to be soldiers and politicians running around pretending it’s all for own good. Hurray! At last the Olympics are about running around.